“Wes, Do you just WANT to believe?”
Sometimes I am startled at how different our not-yet-believing friends think than we do. Honestly, I don’t want to admit the difference. It is a lot of work to understand how another person perceives the world.
And work makes me tired.
Sitting outside of a fast food restaurant with my friend, he decided to drop the politeness and share what he really thinks about my trust in Jesus though one simple question. Essentially, he was asking “Wes, don’t you think you are just lying to yourself so that you don’t have to deal with the realities of life? Don’t you think you just want this Jesus stuff so badly that you have convinced yourself of it…even if it isn’t true?”
Sounds more like a statement than a question, right?
He hit on something we all tend to do: lie to ourselves. Find convenient lies that make us feel better about doing our selfish desires. But, those lies never hold up. Even if we push the truth deep down and ignore it, like that pea under all of those mattresses the princess slept on, it makes us anxious…keeps us squirming until we acknowledge it.
These kinds of lies are common to all people. Common and convenient. They are also corrosive to our soul that we are trying to protect.
My friend asked me a question. So I decided to answer him. (I don’t think he really wanted the answer, but he asked!) I said to him “Yes, I WANT to believe! I want to believe that Jesus is the truth. But, my desire has nothing to do with the Truth. Just because I want something to be a certain way it doesn’t mean that it actually is that way.”
Then I said the thing I hope is a “pea” to him: “Jesus is the Truth whether I want him to be or not, whether I like it or not. It is because he is the Ultimate Reality that I want my desires to get on board with him.” (Something like that, anyway. Probably goofier than that.)
James 1:16 starts with the phrase “Do not be deceived…” The Spirit is calling out to us through God’s word to pay attention to our desires that might lead us to lie to ourselves. But more than that, the Spirit is drawing us closer to Jesus so that we might be willing to have our corrosive lies exposed…so that we might find freedom in loving the Truth.